I know I’m an Oklahoma girl and that may imply some things about being knowledgeable on agricultural activities. Truth is, I’m not a farmer, I don’t do gardening and the live plants that I own are the kind that only require regular watering and don’t die easily. However I do have a little bit of knowledge on the concept of how things grow. Basically, the seed is planted in soil, provided with nutrients (love) and watered. The seed then begins to bear the fruit it was created to produce. Well just like a plant, the seeds that a person sows in their lives will bear fruit. Whether or not the fruit lives a long life or dies from neglect depends on the sower’s care for the seed.
Today’s post is inspired by a woman who has sown many seeds of deceit, manipulation and immaturity. I won’t run down her history because I don’t have the energy to write about all of her issues. Let’s just start at the most recent incident. Well, this chick was in a relationship with my brother for several years. At some point, she decided to cheat on him with an individual that was in close proximity to their lives. My brother then decided to separate himself from the toxic relationship as much as he could, but they have a child together. Once he made this decision, he instructed all within his circle to keep their thoughts and words to themselves because he just wanted to be done with the whole mess. We all agreed to follow through with his wishes but apparently there were others on his child’s mother side of the fence that were unhappy with her decisions. They were mostly disappointed because my brother is an awesome man who loved her without limit. Well the people that are in her life that didn’t approve of her actions have been vocalizing their feelings to her. (Sidebar: there are so many layers to this story…I’m trying to summarize and be non-specific at the same time…I hope you are able to keep up). Well after a few weeks of her own family and friends letting her know their feelings, she spoke with my brother and had the audacity to say something like “I don’t know why everyone has been treating me like this.” Chick, are you serious? You are reaping what you have sown!!!!
Let me break it down. She was given this relationship that was purposed for love and family. She planted it in her garden to see if it would blossom into something beautiful. However, when a few weeds (issues) sprouted up, instead of pulling them out and continuing to grow the plant, she drifted over to a new garden and began planting seed there. So while she was out tending to this new garden, her other garden dried up and died out. But she can’t understand why her family is treating her badly? When my brother told me of her sentiment, all I could think was, “they’re mad because you killed something beautiful just because it wasn’t doing what YOU wanted it to.” *selfish heffa*
Truth is I get so sick of people playing victim in their own self-inflicted crimes. I will say this until I die…LIFE IS ABOUT CHOICES. You cannot be a victim in a situation that you orchestrated. No one told her to cheat, no one told her to lie, no one told her to jeopardize a promising relationship…she did that all by herself. It was her DECISION and now she is reaping the bitter fruit of disappointment and disgust…but isn’t that what she wanted? Anytime you abandon a situation it will shrivel up and die. So to answer her question…YOU ARE BEING TREATED BADLY BECAUSE YOU…YOURSELF…AND YOU AGAIN, DECIDED TO GARDEN SOMEWHERE ELSE. SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR BITTER FRUIT…AND IF YOU DON’T MAYBE YOU WILL CHOKE ON IT!!!!
Last night I was going through some old papers and notebooks. Just reading through old thoughts and trying to remember the people who inspired the words, which was kind of hard. I ran across stacks and stacks of old poetry and lyrics. So I decided that in the spirit of #ThrowbackThursday I would post one of my poems. This poem was written in the fall of 2004 while I was attending Oklahoma State University. I was sitting on a bench enjoying the beautiful day and waiting for class. I began to think about an attractive brother that I had recently met and this is what I produced…I hope you enjoy!!!!
Thoughts of Autumn
September 10 th , 2004
On a cloudless blue sky day in August
Autumn peaks through the thick trunk tree leaves
Leaving remnants in my head
Of his full lips
Coco brown skin and dreads
He has the walk of a man on a path of progression
No turning back
With a face of triumph over opposition
How I like that
His continuing voyage
Traveled day by day
To a place of mental freedom
Am I destined to meet him?
I watch him from afar
Wanting to know who he are
Who he be
And what if we
Believe in the same things
Grieve the pain of the inane
Insane beings around us
Envisioning a movement of unity
That is produced by we
Seduced by we
Solidifying the sultry soul within me
As warm as the wind in the air
Longer than the length of my hair
Classically built like Ozzie and Ruby Dee
While finger-combing your long beautiful dreads
There’s so much I see
Something inside providing me with this apparition of life
Fulfilling the love I need from a partner
Unveiling my want to be a wife
He breaks down my shell
That’s harder than a mother trying to pay for her son’s 2 million dollar bail
Before sentenced to life
While I glide back to reality
To decide how to make our meeting of chance
Turn into an unprecedented romance
My stares fade from the glare of autumn leaves and the blue skyline
They find their way to his eye line
The hot wind breaks
With a sudden cool breeze
The sweet smell of Le Male by JPG surrounds me
My mouth curls into a smile
“Hi. What are you writing? Poetry? Can I see?”
In continuation of yesterday’s post…but on a totally different note, I must say how dare you to those people out there that don’t support the concept of the betterment of one’s self. In today’s post the story goes to my sister.
Her current job for the last year and some change has been floating her around to all of the departments within her company. They consider her to be a valuable associate, so during a time when they were laying off other employees, they shuffled her over to another department. The new move was in an area in which she was not familiar and they wanted her to fill in for those who were let go. No matter the job responsibility or duties, she was given the responsibility to “fill in”. They did this without providing proper training or compensation. She was a good sport about it because there was “promise” of future reward and promotion. So as any intelligent woman would do, she became very resourceful and the things she did not know she quickly learned. During this year she has been handed various projects and has streamlined things for efficiency. I’ve watched her stress about making sure her department looks great for CEO visits and international meetings but receive nothing more than a “thanks” in return. Well do y’all want to know how I feel about a “thanks”? (I will keep it G-rated). They can keep that “thanks.” This is a fortune 500 company in the energy industry and the only “thanks” needed should be reflected in her paycheck. In layman’s terms, Forget You, Pay Me!!! I feel like this, when a person shows up before time and on time every day, has very few days off, gets along with EVERYONE, does such great work that you keep her instead of laying her off with the others, is educated and a quick study, words are nice but not necessary. Show her your appreciation through a bi-weekly monetary disbursement. Some like to call it a CHECK. The funny thing is that there was a point when others recognized her worth, so they would give her gift cards and anonymously give her cards with money in them…but $50 -$200 dollars here or there is not the same as a 10 – 20% annual pay increase that is much deserved. Since she was not being properly compensated and for a few other reasons, my sister decided to seek employment elsewhere and was blessed with a fantastic “God-thing” job opportunity. (Sidebar: she will be writing a post for DeauneToday about that very soon).
Fast forward to this week which is the first of her last 2 weeks at her current job. Everyone has been alerted to her resignation and though most understand and support this transition, others are salty. This is definitely not a surprise and is to be expected. Most people can’t accept when others leave for a new job opportunity for a couple of reasons:
1. They will have to actually do the job they are supposed to be doing instead of shirking their responsibilities off on someone else.
2. That means they are still stuck in the same job.
With those two things in mind, this morning she was approached by one of her fellow co-workers who she collaborates with on a daily basis and this woman had the gall to say to my sister “I’m pissed at you.” Now, she tried to make this statement with a chuckle so that it would come off as a joke but my sister ain’t no fool. She understood that the sentiment was all truth and no joke. Here’s what I want to say to this woman and any other co-worker/employer out there who is not sufficiently compensating their worthy employees…..HOW DARE YOU?!!!! What right do you have to come at my sister sideways? The nerve of you to have a negative word to say in regards to a person making a WISE decision to take care of their livelihood. Mind your business…because you’re paycheck reflects your worth and then some. When someone makes a decision to increase their position in life, there should be no negative feedback, especially when the person deserves it.
This post just like yesterday’s entry boils down to one thing, respect and showing appreciation. PERIOD. So to the woman who is pissed at my sister for getting a better job that demonstrates its appreciation from day one….HOW DARE YOU?!!!!!
(Because y’all know I don’t play about people messing with my family I have a sidebar for Ms. “I’m pissed at you”….if you ever come at my sister sideways again…you won’t have to worry about that little chuckle…all I’m going to say is, it’s gonna be me and you!!!)
Last night was low-key epic. My sister and I were at home waiting on my brother E to come through and pick us up so that we could make our way to an artist cypher. We knew that he would be coming through around 8:30pm so we made sure to eat dinner and get cute before he came. Well around 6ish the doorbell rang. My sis and I looked strangely for 2 reasons, 1. No one just stops by our house because we live in the boonies (aka country) and 2. It was too early for E to be showing up to get us. Well we went to answer the door it was my other brother who lives in Texas. We were pleasantly surprised because we weren’t expecting to see him. He came in the house, we hugged and because he showed up right when dinner was finished, we made plates. While we sat down to catch up on all of his goings-on, my inquisitive-self asked about his wife and marriage. He gave the standard correct answer, “everything is good.” UMMMM HMMM, I know better.
See he’s one of my play brother’s and we have been in each other’s lives for 16 years. Over the time we have gone through layers of emotions, struggles, losses, SUCCESSES and BLESSINGS. So even though we hadn’t seen each other face to face in some time, I knew he was giving a sugar-coated answer. Plus I know his wife and though they have a beautiful family, she doesn’t appreciate him. Never has and I don’t know if she ever will. But I pray for him and their marriage because he fights for it…I just wish she cared enough to fight for it also. Well he finally dissolved the sugar surrounding his answer and told my sister and me about their anniversary vacation. My bro is the consummate romantic. As long as I’ve known him, he has sought out love and stability. He has never been a player. No matter how hard I tried to influence him, he was a one woman man. When I say romantic I mean vacations, surprise nights out on the town that include nice restaurants and beautiful hotels, jewelry, clothing, perfume, and affection. He goes all out for his wife, as any good husband would for their wife. However, the problem lies in her response. More times than not he says she is indifferent and very bothered by his display of romanticism. Even more, she is angry about it. Anytime he tells me about her reactions all I can think is HOW DARE YOU???!!!!
I won’t go into the specifics of all of her violations as to keep some discretion. But I will say this, as a wife, I would assume, that if your husband is the type that enjoys showing his love through romantic gestures….the LEAST you can do is appreciate it. AT LEAST say thank you. I truly wish that women who have been married for a while (in their case 12 years) could just understand that being committed to a GOOD man is a blessing. They don’t realize that having to deal with men who don’t even want to buy you a cup of coffee before they try to get you naked is more common than not. Or that most guys now-a-days prefer that a woman take care of their every need and desire but don’t feel the need to reciprocate. Or that many men won’t bother with doing the necessary work to keep the fire burning at home…a lot will just give up trying and step out on their wives…but not my brother. He is a man of God, who has emerged from struggle, been close to death but was granted another day, family-oriented, kind-hearted, protector who just wants to lead, love and provide for his household. All he asks for in return is the unconditional love from his wife…but she loves him, with what seems to be great hesitation.
He knows how I feel about her and I won’t air out those sentiments because it’s not necessary. I just wanted to write this post so women and men out there who feel like they shouldn’t have to express their love to the deserving person in their life would MAYBE rethink their selfish actions. There are a lot of people in the world who don’t know how to properly love someone and if you have the privilege of being committed to one who does…I mean really???!!!!…HOW DARE YOU mistreat them?!!!!
Yep, it’s Monday and time for another weekend recap. I did quite a few things this weekend…as always. So let’s start with the major holiday. It was father’s day and I absolutely love father’s day because I have an awesome father. Since I’m not a millionaire just yet and I can’t afford the gifts that I would like to get him, we usually just have a daddy/daughter date. Well, this year, there wasn’t anything worth seeing at the movie theater, so he suggested we save the date for this coming up weekend. In the meantime, we did a movie night at the house. I bought him Liam Neeson’s “Non-Stop”, which as action movies goes, was very entertaining. If you haven’t seen it, I would suggest it. And then maybe someone can tell me why Nathan Parker and Lupita Nyong’o had the same 1989 hightop fade. Anyway, the movie was cool…and I enjoyed my dad.
Saturday morning was spent at the hair salon getting my locs switched from bright red to deep purple. The salon was too much fun, as always and I left in love with my new color. A lot of people were used to the red and even said they preferred it over the purple but I changed it for 2 reasons:
1. One of my best friends is getting married and I am a bridesmaid…the dress is purple and I didn’t want to cause too much attention with RED hair or mess up her photos.
2. It was time for a change. I never like to be too predictable when it comes to my ‘look”. I love versatility and changing the color is my way of expressing this truth.
After the salon, my sis and I headed out to campaign with my play-brother Erik for my play-cousin Tanya’s judiciary candidacy. The campaigning locations were located at 2 parks involving 2 different picnics. The 1st picnic was sponsored by a fraternity and was very nice. The location wasn’t too crowded, it was shaded and the attendees were those of the mature, educated sort. There was barbeque, music and a breeze. It was fun because I got to see one of my other play-brothers (I have a lot of them…don’t judge lol) and check on how he was doing during a transitionary point in his life. My play-cousin had an opportunity to stand before the people, introduce herself (though many already knew who she was) and give her reasons for being the right person for the job. Sidebar: I have been fortunate enough to attend a few campaigning events with her and I am thoroughly impressed with her fearlessness and ambition. Little does she know, watching her campaign and fight for what she wants encourages me to continue on with my personal goals because oppositions are only catalyst that will make you stronger and more prepared for future obstacles. Anyway, after this picnic we headed over to another picnic but it was not quite the atmosphere that I was expecting.
The atmosphere was at the opposite end of the spectrum of the other picnic. When we got there I told the crew I was riding with that it looked like the scene from “Boyz N The Hood” when they were hanging out on Crenshaw. Except it as daytime…just negros everywhere. As we began to walk into the park, you could smell many variations of air pollutants…car exhaust, barbeque grills, cigarette smoke and weed. Lord knows I wasn’t trying to be out there long. It wasn’t a voting crowd. As a matter of fact, when one of our team was talking to someone she knew and handed them a flier, the lady said “well I can’t vote…but I will definitely promote.” Many of the people at this picnic looked like they may not have been eligible to vote. I saw too many chicks with too tight clothing and guys with too baggy clothing. It was a situation of watch your back, don’t look in any direction or at one person too long and keep all comments to yourself until we get back in the car. I know most black folks know the protocol in dealing with hood situations…so we abided by the rules until we headed back to the car. Even though most of the people there may not be eligible to vote, I think it was good for her to make her name familiar to them. Since the majority of us agreed that staying there too long was not a great idea, after about 30 or 45 minutes, the crew I was riding with gladly left. Once we got in the car…we started clowning. It was great distinction between the two parks and two picnics but we had a great time none the less.
Saturday concluded with disappointing news about a change of plans for my sister’s birthday vacation celebration but we are handling it like champs, as always. Sunday was a day of worship, one of my favorite people returned from studying abroad in Tanzania and I was very happy to see her. My family enjoyed delicious dad’s day dinner and spent quality time. I ended my night with a movie (which should not be surprising) titled “Things Never Said”. If you haven’t seen it, check it out. It’s an awesome cast and includes poetry and a love story…so of course it’s a fave.
Overall it was a great weekend. Now I’m back to the start of the week and because I was outside all weekend, I’m fighting my allergies. Have a great week y’all!!!
Mr. Ossie Davis and Mrs. Ruby Dee
Mrs. Ruby Dee and Mr. Nat ‘King’ Cole
Today, almost exactly 2 weeks since Maya Angelou’s passing, I send a loving farewell to the phenomenal Lady Rudy Dee. The emotion I feel right now is almost uncontrollable and extremely palpable to anyone who is near me. I’m sure you all didn’t know but Ruby Dee has been one of my life long icons. Her artistry transcended genre and medium. Whether it was stage, movies, television, or writing, she commanded attention with her depth and grace.
I know most people will say that A Raisin in the Sun is their favorite movie that she starred in but my personal favorite would have to be St. Louis Blues. The movie includes stars such as Nat ‘King’ Cole, Eartha Kitt, Cab Calloway, Ella Fitzgerald and Mahalia Jackson. If you’ve never seen it, it’s about a musician, played by Mr. Cole, who is torn between playing Christian music for his father’s church and “Worldly” blues music. The black and white cinematic element adds to the authenticity of its story. Granted, all movies were not in color during this time but as a modern day cinephile, it adds that hint of romanticism, simplicity and beauty. Just makes you feel every emotion they were portraying in the film.
I also loved watching her work with her husband, the incomparable Ossie Davis. Two of my favorite films that included the couple are Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever and Do the Right Thing. The duo was amazingly in tuned with each other on both films. It’s such a rare occurrence that actors who are married to one another work together but they allowed the world to witness their brilliance. I’m sure their marriage wasn’t flawless but watching them work was like witnessing a great dance, very fluid, passionate and admirable. Hollywood residents don’t usually promote the concept of the “till death do us part” kind of love, except for on film. But these two set the standard. Now they are back together…continuing their dance in the heavens.
This was a very difficult post to write because we have lost another great illustration of femininity, power, respect and dignity. It’s disheartening because the modern day example of womanhood is shrouded in whorish tactics and shameful actions. Her presence will be GREATLY missed.
REST IN LOVE LADY RUBY DEE!!!
*this pic is hilarious*
This past Sunday my pastor preached a message entitled Desperate Housewives. It was centered on the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. If you don’t know the story in a nutshell Potiphar was a very wealthy man and because Joseph was visibly greatly favored by God, and though Joseph was a slave, he received preferential treatment from Potiphar. He was in charge of and had access to anything except Potiphar’s wife. Joseph was respectful of that but Potiphar’s wife was not. She made continuous advances that became hands on and required Joseph to make a drastic decision to get away from her by any means. Even though it would mean that he would end up running away while she held his clothing in her hands. Her desire for him was not great enough to make him lose the desire to remain in right standing with God. Though his actions resulted in her falsely accusing him of rape and ultimately him being put in prison, his desire to please God was the most important thing. Well during my pastor’s sermon he made this statement that has hung with me for days now. He said, “Your destiny is determined by your denial and discipline.” Now, Joseph was put in jail for the accusation that Potiphar’s wife made but even in jail because he was faithful to God, he was blessed with favoritism. Within the jail, the warden allowed him to be in charge of everyone in the prison. I’m sure you thinking “but he was still in prison”…true but his denial of his flesh and discipline as a child of God was rewarded with life (because Potiphar could’ve had him killed for the accusation) and he was still free to lead over many people.
What does all of this have to do with life in 2014? So many people are destined for greatness but because they choose to live a life based on satisfying fleshly desires they miss out on their blessings. This post is not meant to be translated as some dogmatic rant about Christianity…I’m merely forewarning the world of my destiny. It’s happening and as long as I stay determined, disciplined and desiring of God’s approval, HIS blessings and love are imminent. I’m more than ready for my next levels in life. Each level proves to be more advanced and more educational than the last. I know that I’m on the path to my greatness. I’m unquestionably destined to do more than I can even imagine. How do I know that? Because I’m favored by God…I am HIS child and I bask in my knowledge of HIS eternal blessings. Today I had to encourage myself because though I know it is coming, sometimes the wait becomes unbearable. So instead of reaching out to an old boyfriend for validation or attention or stress eating…I’m staying focused on GOD.
NEXT LEVEL HERE I COME AND THERE’S NOTHING ANYONE ON THIS EARTH CAN DO TO STOP IT!!!!
When going through the dating rituals, there are always the “getting to know you” questions. One of the most common is “what’s your type?” I tend to answer this question with all things that are character based and not physical attributes. Because unlike most men and women, I don’t have a list of physical attributes. I’m attracted to intelligent men with ambition, who are God-fearing, charismatic and have a high respect for women. Most of the time the follow up response is “how can you see that in a person from appearance?” Truthfully, I can’t possibly know all of those things from one glance but I’m very observant and I tend to see things that others cannot. For this reason, my sister calls me “discernment diva.” Though I think it’s a hilarious name, I don’t disagree with it because I’m always paying close attention. I mean, there are times when I KNOW something but I don’t know how I know it. (Thank you Jesus for discernment).
You see I don’t have a “type” list that only consist of physical attributes because every guy I have dated looks different than the last. In my opinion attractiveness is relative. However some people only like what they like, which to me seems so limiting and close minded. I’ve been told, more than once, “You’re not my usual type.” This comment always makes me respond, “And what about me makes me so special?” Most responded, “I don’t know, you’re just so different from the women I usually date.” Others have said, “I don’t usually date full-figured women.” And because I tend to be sarcastic, I respond, “So what did I do to receive the honor of being your first situation with a juicy girl?” None of them can ever really answer that question. Truth is I honestly never want an answer to it because it’s just my way of shining light on the unnecessary admittance to my unconventional (to them) appearance.
A few days ago my sister and I were discussing the topic of dating choices with my uncle and he told us a story about a lady that he knew who opted out of 2 good men that were both interested in a relationship with her. She refused both men because they weren’t her “type”. Ultimately, her decision resolved by leaving her living out her life alone and in a less than financially secure situation. Don’t misunderstand me, I comprehend the prerogative of a person’s preference but does that preference mean that dating outside of your “type” will not happen?
This is my thing, yes…you must be physically attracted to someone in order to date them but don’t limit your possibilities by shutting out someone because they aren’t over 6 feet, a certain weight, with a specific hair color or length. I mean, will you really turn down the potential love of your life if he or she doesn’t come in the perfect package? If you said yes…then I hope you understand that you may never meet that person because no one is PERFECT. I feel like most people’s type specifications consist of 90% wish and 10% reality. Don’t get me wrong I like tall chocolate men just like the next woman, but if God blesses me with true love wrapped in a different packaging, I would not turn it down.
Every weekend is a new adventure. Usually it’s filled with a lot of activities such as brunches, shopping, washing the car, washing clothes, hanging with friends or some sort of creative house/fashion project. Well this weekend was kind of different. All I wanted to do was chill on the couch and watch Orange is the New Black on Netflix. I was unfortunately not feeling well so running around was the last thing on my agenda. Though I did have to leave the house a couple of times, for the most part I was able to rest so that I would be ready for the work week. Even though I spent much of the weekend fighting my allergies and I missed a couple of birthday parties, I did have an opportunity to talk on the phone with one of my favorite people. Sometimes a good conversation can help in so many ways. In one conversation we tackled everything from relationships, to personal successes and of course, God. After we killed the battery on one phone and spent an additional hour on a second phone, it was more than evident that nothing on this earth can uplift me like my heavenly Father and my family.
I also had a chance to catch up on some random movies. One was American Hustle which, in my opinion, I will never understand how it ended up receiving so many Oscar nominations. It was entertaining but not brilliant, which is what I believe should be criteria for Oscar worthy movies. The other movie was Enough Said. It was totally up my alley…a smart romantic comedy that had a lot of realism to it. My sister, who despises rom-coms and will vocalize her opinion on their usual inauthentic fairy tale aspects, actually liked it as well. We also watched a new series on Starz called Power. If you haven’t seen it and you have the channel, I would encourage you to watch, it’s kind of gritty but sexy at that same time. It doesn’t hurt that the main character is the extremely enchanting actor Omari Hardwick (sorry Tiff, I know that’s your boo…I will stop admiring his beauty…but Lord knows he can hang suit…I shall remember, I have Idris Elba…lol).
Lastly, this weekend my mother, sister and I received some pieces from my grandmother’s home. She passed away almost 5 years ago and we were fortunate enough to receive some of her belongings. These are things that my sister and I both remember being in her home since childhood. It’s just funny to think about how you get so used to seeing things in a specific space for so long that it’s hard to imagine it anywhere else. Well, many of the things have new homes and will be passed on to new generations. She had great taste and I’m excited to add our design elements together.
All in all, it was another great weekend. Now let’s see how this week progresses and what random thoughts I will share with you all. #CountdowntoFriday
Isaiah 41:10New International Version (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I keep up with the news on a daily basis and it is a proven fact that the warmer it gets outside, the more criminal activity increases. Well in this first week of June I have read more ridiculous articles about murder and mayhem. One of the articles this week involved a young man who was so infuriated by his break up with his girlfriend that he decided to kill her, her mother and her aunt. I mean what’s the point in killing them? He will still be without a girlfriend and to add to his loneliness, he will spend it in prison.
I also read a story of two 12 year old girls that plotted and attempted to kill their friend because they wanted to gain the attention of some fictitious website character. Once the story was released, the website creator wrote a reaction stating that the purpose of the website was to not encourage murder but was strictly imaginative. So why would you play like that? Why would you create an atmosphere that would encourage murder if it was just for “entertainment” purposes? Murder is not a joke!!! And the last story was a drug deal/robbery gone wrong in a Wal-Mart parking lot. It resulted in one person dead and 2 in the hospital with gunshot wounds.
We, as humans, have become so animalistic and it seems more people live their lives based on their emotions. People have stopped using their cognitive ability to make sound decisions. Instead they are running amuck. I’m feeling like Marvin Gaye, what’s going on? Why are people losing all humanity and regard for life? Why are we so desensitized to these stories? I’m just bothered by the growing trend of people who care for nothing in this world. Not even for their own selves, because if they did then they would not take the risk of serving prison time. Why are schools struggling to stay standing but new prisons are built and filled every year? I always have questions but I only have one answer to these questions. Basically, this world is in desperate need of love, morality and God.
There was a time in this country that people held a high regard for God, family, humanity and love. Now we live in a world full of selfishness, low-esteem and hatred. I literally pray every day for God’s grace and mercy for all of my family known and unknown. I know that may sound extreme to some but I am an old soul that still relishes in the importance of God, love and family. Believe me when I say that God is the best protection from all things that intend harm on your life in this world. Here’s my bottom line, be aware that while the barometric pressure continues to increase outside there is a spiritual atmospheric pressure change happening also. So I encourage you to love your family, grow your relationship with God, and STAY PRAYED UP.
I promise sometimes men can be so contrary. They say one thing and do another. I know, I know, “women do it too.” But I’m not talking about us today. I’m talking about men. There have been plenty of times that I have heard guys openly complain about how they are sick of seeing women wearing tights/leggings because to them it looks like the woman didn’t attempt to present herself to the rest of the world. But then the same individuals will turn around and out of the same complaining mouth, compliment a woman with a nice gluteus maximus draped in the same dang leggings. Like foreal dude…make up your mind. Do you like the tights or do you not or does it not matter because the woman has round buns?
Another favorite is when men discuss hair. Some say “I don’t like short hair or natural hair but I can’t stand women with a weave.” All I can think is, so dude, what is it that you want? Because very few black women have the ability to grow 26 inches of East Indian quality hair without assistance from a beautician, an Indian woman and some thread or glue. It also makes me think that they may just not want to be with a sista. Which is absolutely fine but don’t date a woman who has the things that you don’t like physically but then constantly bring up the dislike of it. Either love her for who she is or move on!!!
OH! OH! OH! My ultimate favorite example of contrary behavior would have to be when guys say they want to settle down with a nice girl. They desire someone with “self-respect, intelligence, decorum and just an all-around beautiful person”. But low and behold what do they bring to the family picnic…someone who embodies the exact opposite of everything previously stated. Someone that is loud, tacky, childish, selfish and rude…maaaanannn, be honest with yourself, clearly you don’t want to settle down if you keep picking a woman that is not relationship material. I just shake my head because if you want something specific, what brings about the decisions to pick something so different?
I don’t know, I guess I’m just low-key frustrated with all of these continuous contradictions around me. This divisive behavior must stop. I mean I know it won’t but I had to shed light on it because contrary behavior just begets contrary behavior. Which ultimately just ends up being a bunch of confusion for EVERYBODY.
I’ve been a juicy girl my entire life. As a kid, I hated it because most kids thought that was the one thing that would make me show some sort of vulnerability. So, of course, whenever they were mad at me for any reason, the first thing I was called was fat. In most stories I’ve heard from other lifelong juicy girls, they would respond in tears or do whatever they needed to never hear those words again. Well, I had a different solution, defend myself by way of fighting. I don’t condone fighting but I do encourage the demand of respect. During that time in my life, I wasn’t thinking about it being a “respect me” thing. It was actually a “you hurt me, I’m hurting you” thing. Naturally as time goes on, I’ve learned new ways to deal with hurtful words guided in my direction, which I don’t hear often. Though I don’t know if things are really not said or if I just don’t hear it because I really truly don’t care what people think of me. Admittedly, over these 33 years I’ve gained a very special level of self-esteem that cannot be touched. Sometimes, I think I have reverse body dysmorphic disorder (bdd). The definition for traditional bdd is a person who has perpetual negative thoughts about their appearance. For instance someone who is slim but looks in the mirror and believes that they are overweight. Whereas I look in the mirror and think, “Werk it Hunty!!!” or “YAAAASSSSS, Fabulous!!!” Lol I mean, I’m not conceited but I am absolutely confident in who I am and the beauty that I possess in this world. I know some people may not understand where it comes from but I will say that it all started within my heart and with the example of my family.
Let’s start with my dad’s influence. He has many sisters and each and every one of them carries themselves with a very queenly air. It doesn’t matter if they are wearing casual or dress clothes because they enter a room with so much confidence that their beauty is unquestionable. I will say that in all of my life, if any one of them ever had a self-esteem issue, I’ve never known it because they set an example to me and my other cousins that beauty starts within you. Their example also taught me that a thick skin will get you much further than tissue paper feelings. My other influence is my dad’s own personal level of confidence. I’m sure I’ve mentioned in a previous post that his nick name is Beauty and though the name was formulated for his athletic ability as a youngster and not for his appearance, if you ask him today why people call him that he will reply, “Look at me.” He is unmistakably confident in himself and it’s definitely affected the way that I look at the kind of men that I date. I appreciate men who are confident in their characteristics as well as their appearance because such men will take pride in their grooming. I believe that this will in turn make for their appreciation of my personal beautification practices.
My mother’s influence on the other hand was a bit different. I’ve always seen her as this classic beauty with regality and grace that has set the tone for what I aspire to exude as a woman. What makes her guidance different is that, because we’ve been in each other’s presence on almost a daily basis, I have seen her unsure moments. In those moments, how she maintained her esteem was very impactful because it’s helped me always hold it together. She grew up in a time when being chunky wasn’t acceptable. Hearing criticisms from family and friends was more common and not presented as nicely as many people are now days. Her resolve to dealing with the taunting was to make sure that she became skinny and she succeeded by obsessively working out and eating as little as possible. She made it down to a size 5. My mother says that during that time she was very vain and worked to maintain that weight as to never have to hear the derogatory comments again. Since she herself had dealt with the disapproval, my mother made sure that my sister and I always felt beautiful and never berated. Even as recent as this past weekend, while trying on a bridesmaids dress that I’m wearing in a few weeks, my mom showed me mercy. Now I’ve known about this wedding for a while and have dropped a few pounds but not nearly as many as I would have liked. Knowing that, my mom didn’t say one negative word about me. Instead she said, “Maybe you should see if there’s a different style of dress that you could go with because this one really doesn’t fit your style.” Truthfully, it doesn’t, however, the fact that I need to lose 15 more pounds does play a part…but she never said anything about my weight. That night I told her, “I love you so much because you’ve never been that kind of mother. You’ve always been so loving and sweet even when we both know, I need to lose these 15 pounds.” We laughed and she said, “It’s because I know what it feels like.” Her compassion has garnered a lot of respect from me because she consciously made sure to never leave me feeling less than.
As I’ve already stated I’ve lived my entire life as a juicy girl and I have no knowledge of skinny girl issues. However, I do know we all have our low self-esteem moments. Fortunately, I’ve recognized my beauty all of my life and I don’t just mean my outer appearance. I truly love the woman that I am, entirely. There are of course those days when a sista is like, “girl you know your jeans have gotten too dang tight.” But for the most part, I’m self-confident in all things that encompass my internal and external make up. From my unnaturally colored sisterlocks to my round face, round hips, finger tips and toes…I love some me. If you remember nothing else from this post, remember this, your beauty is not defined by the world it’s starts in your heart. SO MAKE SURE TO ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF AND THE CONFIDENCE WILL FOLLOW!!!!!
I’m just gonna put it on out there….plain and simple. Why do nice men have relationships with evil women? The common response is ‘opposites attract’ but that can’t be it. It has got to be something more than some cosmic “you are the yin to my yang” explanation. Now I know this issue goes both ways because trifling men tend to have good women but just for the sake of this post I’m going to take a one-sided view. Partially because I know plenty of good stable women who are SINGLE and partially because I’m annoyed for the good men who deserve better than the catastrophic hussies to which they are attached.
Today’s example is my dear sweet best friend/brother. He and I have been tight since we were 14 years old, so I have had the privilege of watching him go through the many stages of relationships. From teenage love to a grown man commitment, I’ve watched him mature almost effortlessly. He’s college educated, goal oriented, family oriented, God fearing, and a true gentleman. I mean this dude still opens doors, pays for dates and protects all women that are within his reach. I know you’re probably thinking, he must be ugly…nope, he’ not. He’s quite handsome and when I say that my brother can dress…I’m not over exaggerating. So why is he still single? Well, in my opinion he tends to choose women who do not compliment him emotionally. He has a classic case of “hopeless romantic” syndrome (y’all know I like to make up syndromes). It’s an ailment that tends to allow for time-wasters to have a lot more leeway because there’s that hope that they will return to the person that they were when the relationship began. Like many of us do, we let the heart decide at the beginning because during the “newness” phase of the relationship there’s a sense of hope for continuance of the good days. However, “newness” is never forever and at some point, the head has to get involved to tell the heart that what it’s enduring is damaging.
Over the past 4 years my brother has invested his all into a relationship that only yielded one positive, his daughter. Everything else about the relationship was nothing more than another character building exercise on how to not choke out a woman whose main goal in life is to be self-serving. Without giving too many details, this woman has many responsibilities but tends to shirk them onto other individuals as she plays the position of victim. When in actuality she is not victim to anything but her life’s decisions and selfish ways. Now, I’ve known this particular woman since high school and made it my goal not to be too involved with her because even back then she surrounded herself with drama. So I’m sure you’re asking, why was she even appealing to my brother? I can’t answer that question with a definite answer because I’m not him. Being that we are a lot alike all I can say is the heart wants what it wants but that thang (heart) be wrong so many dang times. Their relationship has recently dissolved and even though I don’t believe they ever belonged together, I hate to see the effect her succubus ways have had on my brother’s heart.
He’s not the only one of my brothers that has a horrible track record with catastrophic women. However, he is the one that I relate the closest to because I have had bad judgments in previous situations. It’s like I’m writing this post seeking out an answer from his perspective because I’ve been a witness to his desire for balanced, reciprocal love but in all honesty I’m questioning my own dating history. So my question still remains…WHY DO NICE GUYS DATE EVIL WOMEN?
Y’all know I don’t do too many posts that concern celebrity gossip and I’m still not going to…however, I want to discretely touch on something that happened the weekend before last that annoyed me to life. So, a famous rapper and boxer apparently had a physical altercation in a fast food joint over the rapper’s wife. I’m not stating names because I refuse to fully acknowledge this foolish situation. But I do want to use them as my objective illustration for this post because all parties involved in this incident know that they are too dang old to be acting like they are still in high school.
There are a few things that have to be refrained from once you reach the age of 25 years old.
1. Physical altercations should no longer be happening. Honestly fighting should stop earlier than 25 but if you happen to get into something physical because you are defending yourself…then okay. Back in my day I was a little bit of a bruiser. I didn’t start fights but I did finish a few. I’ve never liked anyone picking on my family or friends. Also, I can’t stand disrespectful individuals that try my patience but sometimes I will let something go or fight back with words. I’ve learned how to hurt feelings and not lay hands. I’m not Jesus so I can’t promise that if someone puts hands on me, that I will turn the other cheek. I will say that one sign of maturity is the ability to make sound decisions within erratic times.
2. Once you enter a certain tax bracket, you have greater to lose and should act accordingly. When I say more to lose, I don’t just mean financially but more importantly, the respect of your family and colleagues. Over my years of working…the more money I make the more responsibility that I have. With more responsibility, should come more respect from co-workers, friends and family. With more external respect, should come more self-respect. Does street cred and looking tough become more important than losing you? NO!!!
3. Trying to make your significant other jealous at the expense of bringing an outsider into your situation is just plain childish. Not since high school have I even thought about going to flirt with another guy to make my guy jealous. I feel like this, if my HUSBAND has messed up in some infidelitous way, then we need to work some things out. Whether that means taking some space to think things through or talking it out but whatever it is, there will be no other man added into my life in an effort to provoke jealousy. We are too grown for that. Please note that I said HUSBAND…because if we are just in a relationship and my BOYFRIEND cheated, well…simply put…he gotta go.
My point is this…if you don’t know that you are too old to do certain things, here’s some easy ways to know. If you have children, a full time job, reoccurring bills, or are too old to be on your parent’s health insurance plan then you’re too dang old. I mean seriously, all grown people know when they are behaving childishly, whether they want to admit it or not. So here’s my suggestion STEP AWAY FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL ANTICS BECAUSE YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.
I woke up this morning…thanked the Lord for air in my lungs and asked Him to add a tad bit more impulsiveness to my character pallet. I literally went through my routine this morning wishing that I could just quit my corporate cubicle, do what I want to do and make money while doing it. On days like this I’m appreciative for what I have but I just wish that I had more financial flexibility so that I could just walk away from the job and seek out my dreams. The whimsy is quite beautiful because all reality is dissolved into the dream state which makes getting through the work day easier. The bad part is that my attitude on days like this would probably be considered a little crappy. Partially because since I don’t want to be here, I’ve mentally checked out and though I have work that needs to be done, I’m definitely not in tuned with the tasks. Do y’all know what else makes days like this unbearable…my co-workers incessant talking. Most days I don’t mind but on today I really don’t feel like listening to those around me discussing gardening, pregnancy and unpacking a house. Not that I’m not happy for them and all of their next levels but today…please…just…shut up. Oh and the worse part about the talking is the complaints about work related situations. I know sometimes things go awry and you need to share it with someone as to not go crazy but must you include everyone in the office into your situation every time you receive an email? JUS DO YOUR DANG JOB…DON’T TELL ME ABOUT IT!!!
So right now, in this moment, I just want to get in my car and go. Where would I go? WEST!!! As much as I love the east coast I want to see something new. So a trip along the entire west coast would be phenomenal. Start in Oklahoma make stops in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada (gotta stop at Las Vegas) and then go from San Diego, CA to Seattle, WA. My parents have been juggling around the idea of doing something similar, which would be great for them. But I don’t want to wait until I’m in my 60s to make this trip. UGH!!!!
Maybe I just need a vacation. I have 2 coming up this summer. One in Maryland and one in Florida, so I guess I will just stay put and countdown the days until vacation number 1. Because as much as I love daydreaming about it…running away and being broke is not really my thing.